none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
