You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
