peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
