During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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