I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
