Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
