did you get engaged???
Screwed.edu
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
