I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize