Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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