He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
