I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
