I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize