White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
