I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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