Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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