I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
