Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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