It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
