im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
