Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
