the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
