it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
