My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
