Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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