he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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