I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
