Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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