sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize