I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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