my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
