im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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