i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
handjob tips. give me some.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
