hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
