i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
