Me. At least after what I've been through.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
