I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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