i already hear my dad disowning me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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