I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
