....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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