Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
