This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
