No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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