Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
