is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
