I faked an abortion last night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
