If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
