Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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