i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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