He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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