don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
