I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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