i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
