Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
