girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize