discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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