Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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