I think I am morally bankrupt
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
