So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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