You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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