summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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