i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
