my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
