If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have feelings that need drinking.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
