be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
