oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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