Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
