People with herpes should wear stickers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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